Monthly Archives: April 2014

Bye-bye {larger} Boobies [#Weaning]

*If you are related to either JR or myself, read at your own risk.  This post may contain information of a sexual nature that you might not want to know about.  You have been warned.

Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding (Photo credit: Ben124.)

So, I stopped breastfeeding about a month ago and since then I’ve had to let go of my extra large boobies that went along with it.  I’m definitely happy to finally be free of the horrible infections that had taken over my chesticles, but I am sad to see my larger sized ladies turn back into the large mosquito bites they were before I got pregnant.  I put on a bra the other day and my chest DROWNED in it.  I mourned briefly for my pregnancy/breastfeeding breasts, but then I remembered the totally awesome reasons why I was glad I was finally done with breastfeeding:

1.  NO MORE HORRIBLE MOLDY BOOB INFECTIONS!

2.  My psoriasis on my NIPPLES can finally calm down (yes, psoriasis on my nipples).

3.  I can finally lose some weight.  I know, experts CLAIM that breastfeeding helps you shed the baby weight… but it’s lies.  ALL LIES. This morning I was FINALLY able to fit (with a large muffin-top) into my prepregnancy pants – since I am no longer shoveling large amounts of food into my face in an effort to keep my sweet LalaLucy filled with wonderful baby chub.  I’m sure that breastfeeding DOES burn extra calories, but I had generally negated that benefit by increasing my caloric intake to match.   Now that I’m not worried about keeping the baby rolls intact, I can eat less and the pounds are (slowly, but surely) melting off.

4.  I can PARTY LIKE IT’S 1999!  Except it isn’t.  And I’m old… So my partying is more like having a beer or a wine cooler after I get home from work.  BUT STILL- I don’t have to worry about passing any alcohol onto my sweet rolly-polly baby.  And, if I wanted to, I could smoke the shit out of a cigar.  If I had a cigar.  Maybe I’ll get a cigar after work – a cigar would go wonderfully with the two year old Bud Light in my fridge…

Cigars

5.  My husband can once again fondle and play to his heart’s content.   Yes, they were bigger – and yes, he enjoyed looking at them when they were bigger – but most of the time he couldn’t touch, because they either hurt or were ready to shower him with milk at the slightest provocation.   And, contrary to popular belief, milk showers are not sexy.

6.  I don’t have to lug a breast pump + accessories around everywhere at work.  Which means I don’t have to worry about immature coworkers complaining that my CLEAN breast-pump accessories are in their line of vision (even though they were in a container, up on a shelf) or that my bags of breast milk are near their food in the freezer.

7.  I don’t have to freak out when I’m getting low on milk anymore, because I can just run to the store and get some more.  Yay stores and formula!

8.  I don’t have to deal with my nipples being chewed on (mainly by the pump, but every once in a while I got some baby teeth to the nip) multiple times a day.

Don’t get me wrong, I know the benefits of breastfeeding and I’m glad I did it for as long as I did… but I am GLAD TO BE DONE!

RIP Breastfeeding D-cups.  Until next time…

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A Letter to My Mommy Friend [#SAHM]

Dear Mommy Friend,

I just wanted you to know, that even though our opinions on mommy-ing might be different, I still respect how you do your parenting-thing.  When I express that I do something differently, I don’t mean that my way is the right way and that your’s is somehow wrong, I’m just saying that this is what I do – take it or leave it.  Like if I say that I only feed my daughter organic foods, I’m not trying to make you feel like you are doing something wrong for not feeding your baby organic food, I’m simply stating that’s what I do.  If you don’t want to feed your baby organic food, that’s your business.  If you say you feed your baby soy and I’ve read that soy can have adverse effects on a baby’s hormones, I really am not trying to say you shouldn’t, just letting you know what I read about it.  Does that mean that it’s 100% true or accurate?  No, who knows what they will be saying about soy next week!  It could be the most amazing food in the world that cures all diseases!  Who am I to say what I am doing is right or that what you are doing is wrong?  We don’t know.  Science tells us that one thing is good one year and then the next it could be the worst thing ever.  We are both trying to figure this parent thing out and I think it’s safe to say that we both want what is best for our kids.  We are doing the best we can with what we do “know” and trying to guess the answers to the things that we don’t “know”.  Fake it ’til you make it.

And I will try my best not to brag about what my child is doing- I severely dislike listen to those moms that go on and on about how wonderful their kids are.  I understand that I think my kid is wonderful and I’m happy that you (at least act like you) do too.  So if I go off on a tangent about how smart or pretty my baby is, just smile and nod with your eyes glazed over and think about what you need to get at the store – and I will do the same for you.

Whether you decide to go organic, non-organic, vaccinate, not vaccinate, soy, no soy, public school, home school, work outside the home, stay at home and work, get married, stay single, have more kids, stick with one, or any other of the 10,000 hot button issues – I hope we can talk like mommy friends and not feel like we are judging or being judged.  I’m just happy that you are doing the best you can do for your kids and that you know I am doing the same.

Your friend,

Alissa

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