I curse you SAHMs.


Housewife (Photo credit: garryknight)

I cringe every time I see a friend on Facebook with their work listed as “mommy” or “stay-at-home mom”, not because I think there’s anything wrong with being a SAHM, quite the opposite… I am green with jealousy.  I will admit it.  I am extremely jealous of the moms that get to stay home with their kids every day.  I hate paying someone else hundreds of dollars a month to do what I want to be doing myself.  I. want. to. raise. my. kids. dammit.

So why don’t I just do it then?  Because my husband and I haven’t reached the point where we are willing to give up our current lifestyle just yet.  We like buying pizza on a Friday night or eating at the local diner after church on Sundays; things that would disappear if we didn’t have my income.  Could we do it?  Yes, we probably could.  We are currently teetering at the edge of the decision, waiting for that little push we would need to take the plunge.  We have our excuses:  we’re buying a house, waiting to see if JR gets a new job, still working on setting up a budget, and trying to increase my income I’m bringing in from my outside projects (iequalsalissa.com).

I know there are situations where it is nearly impossible financially for one parent to stay home.  I get that.  But I would assume that a lot of people are more in a situation similar to ours, where they COULD, but they would have to give up things they don’t want to.  Like cable TV or cell phones or Chai Lattes…  And then there are couples where both WANT to work full-time.  I get that too.  I don’t think it’s in the best interest of the kids or the family as a whole, but I understand it.

It sucks that being a SAHParent isn’t what is expected anymore.  It would have been so much easier to give up the income that my job provides if that’s what society expected.  We’d just deal with it.  But no, somewhere down the line it was decided that families don’t need a parent to stay home with the kids anymore – it has become the norm to let somebody else raise our kids.  Now, I’m not saying that only women should be SAHPs, men are perfectly capable of being a stay at home parent as well.  Women have traditionally taken this role since we are hardwired to take care of our young, but I know of quite a few men who are/would be wonderful SAHDs.  I just think that our society would be much better off with a parent or guardian completely focused on our offspring’s well being (and the well-being of the working parent as well).  

Running a household, even though it’s main office is your home, is a real job and should be treated as such.  A SAHP is a twenty-four hour, jack-of-all-trades kind of job and you have to have balls (or ovaries) to be able to handle it.

I keep talking about “staying home” and I have all of these ideas in my head about budgeting and working from home… but I’m scared.  And I am reluctant to give up things like weekend vacations, shopping and eating out.  In the end, it will come down to how much we want to do this.  Taking care of a house and family is TOUGH enough, let alone trying to do it on top of working full-time.  There just aren’t enough hours in the day.  I’m not sure who decided that (traditionally) women don’t have enough on their plate, so they should go out and work full-time as well.  Whoever it was, I’d kind of like to kick them.  Especially when I’m doing the dishes and laundry at ten o’clock at night after working all day.  Or when I miss out on getting my son off the bus.  Or my daughter’s first steps.  Or any other of the thousands of amazing moments in parenthood.  Sucks for me that I’m paying someone to experience those for me.

Keep a look out for my next post on Work From Home Ideas.

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Filed under Daily Blurbs

6 responses to “I curse you SAHMs.

  1. Interesting, honest post. I think the trick for us was changing our expectations of lifestyle. My husband has said he’d be willing to lose our condo if it meant keeping me at home. Crazy, right? Yes, we’re in a one-bedroom condo and plan to sell and move into a little 2-bedroom apartment before #2 decides to come along. And we eat a lot of cabbage and potatoes to stay in our budget 🙂 It sounds like you’re “church” people. Prayer has been HUGE for us in making this decision. I hope you’ll seriously consider taking some big steps in the direction of staying home.

    • Thought about your post and realized my comment sounds like I’m bragging about the “sacrifice” I’m making. Not my intention at all. Everyone sacrifices one thing to gain something else, and SAHMs don’t get bragging rights. Sorry!

    • We’re kind of in limbo right now with buying a house (we are going for the cheaper option instead of the “dream house”) and waiting to see if JR gets this new job… Thank you for your comments! I appreciate seeing how other people are making it work. And we are Church people 🙂 Maybe we will talk to our pastor about what he thinks…

  2. Thank you for being honest! Being a “sahm” as you’ve called it is a great gig, but you must be willing to sacrifice the small things for the bigger ones. You can always go back to work, but you can’t go back to this precious time in your little one’s lives. It is a struggle at times, but it is mostly a mental obstacle to overcome. Society has so many expectations on what your life should be like, and you just have to push those aside to decide for yourself and see what is truly important to you in your life. Good luck and keep praying!

    • Thank you for your comment! It’s great to have some encouragement. And that is completely true about being able to go back to work but not being able to go back to the kids being little! I didn’t really think of it that way… 🙂

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