I had a nightmare last night. Not the creepy ones I usually have with monsters, werewolves or murderers, one even worse. I dreamt that I was in a room and someone came to tell me that my son had been hit by a car and did not survive. In the dream, I started screaming and I couldn’t stop. I felt like my heart would explode. I woke up with a start and went into my baby’s room to reassure myself that he was okay and when I entered, I was relieved to be able to hug and kiss him as he slept. Even though I was incredibly tired and I could hardly keep my eyes open, I made myself stay awake. There was no way I was falling back asleep with the possibility of ending up back in that dream… About an hour later I lost the battle and drifted back to dreamland, but thankfully the dream did not reoccur. This morning I gave him extra hugs when he woke up and I vowed to remember each and every day that my time with my children is limited, so I need to cherish every moment. Even when they are driving me crazy! Oh yeah, we had a nice LONG talk about staying away from the road as well.
As my son waited for the bus, I couldn’t help but think about the victims of the Sandy Hook shootings last year. There is one boy in particular that I usually think about, his name was Daniel. I have his picture saved on my computer and I stumble upon it from time to time. He was a beautiful little boy, full of life, and he reminds me a lot of my Brady. He had the same bright red hair and two adorable teeth missing. I think about how his Mama may have watched him get on the bus just as I watched Brady, not knowing that she would never kiss and hug her baby again after that day… and it breaks my heart. Please, please, please hug your baby today. When your kids are driving you crazy and you just want to pull your hair out, close your eyes and remember those parents that no longer have their children to drive them crazy. Then, grab your babies and hug them tight.
It seems that lately I haven’t had this mindset, but having that nightmare was a big reminder. I used to kiss my babies every time I got in the car, just in case we were to get in an accident and something happened to them or me. It sounds rather morbid to think like that, but I want to make sure that if anything ever did happen, one of the last things I did was remind them how much I loved them.
My babies are my entire world.
- A Sandy Hook Parent’s Letter to Teachers (kwhobbes.wordpress.com)
- For Sandy Hook Suvivors, Fear Permeates Young Lives (newyork.cbslocal.com)
- On first day of school, sense of loss hits father of Sandy Hook victim ‘like a ton of bricks’ (thelead.blogs.cnn.com)